The thing about exes is that the memory of them always seems like a million lightyears away, sometimes like it never happened at all. I guess I’m just too invested in the now. In the current one-call-away guy whose face is everywhere on your phone and in your wallet, whose name always slips in brunch conversations with girlfriends because he’s just naturally everywhere. When someone asks “what made you guys give up? what made it go south?” I can’t really remember. All I do remember is that he believed in me.
Life rolls as it always does; work, friends, commutes, small talk with the boss you adore in the pantry while making tea (because you can’t risk spiraling at working hours), stealing time to read books from the ipusnas app because you don’t have the time to read a real book. The memory of an ex never came across my mind. Until I hear Elephant Kind’s new song “I Believe in You”.
It starts out with a rhythmic intro, the music video shows a girl behind a steering wheel that gradually cries as the song goes. The song is about different stages of a breakup, at least that’s what I catch.
Why you gotta threaten to leave when everything’s alright?
okay, they capture the drama stage of when things are starting to get wrong. It could be boredom, or just getting tired of the small reoccurring stuff. Could be anything, but we all went through that phase at some point.
Got to let you go
We all need to grow
It all started like that, the breakup starts with the mindset of letting go. Because of one way or another but it sure was for the best. The song then climaxed into the punchline:
Though I do believe
I’ve always believed in you
And in the end, they did. The memory left from them are the good ones, the moments when they told you that they’re proud of you, the part when they said they believe in you.
What’s left now are a box of sketches from my high school ex with snippets of lyrics from his favorite Angels and Airwaves songs (the one with space and astronauts), a memory of trying my best to leave when everything was alright, and — I don’t remember learning anything significant from that one besides learning to appreciate and stand up for myself. Another box is filled with letters, poems about all kinds of things he metaphors me into (from red ruby to a collapsing lighthouse), Polaroid photos, old socks, and the memory of being told that he believes in me. That I belong in the big city, doing big things, and that I have to make myself proud.
Okay, what I mean was that this song brings a lot more than a vague picture of an ex. Not the grief and longing that a lot of other songs are trying to reach with sad lyrics. This song reminds you that someone believed in you — pain and all.
