I just watched a film, We Made a Beautiful Bouquet by Nobuhiro Doi. It was like watching the lives we shared for the past 4 years unfold on screen. A couple of college friends bond over pop culture interests, spending their youth visiting exciting places, living together, and figuring out adulthood together. The story gets familiar as life (and work) gets in their way and they grow apart despite sharing a bed every night. They can no longer share their interests, their lives don’t fit, and things turn cold.
The breakup scene in the film made me think of the last chance to talk that I kept waiting to happen, but never did. A chance to say thank you and I’m sorry. I will forever be grateful to share my last years of adolescence and entering adulthood with my best friend beside me. We shared a life for 4 years, 4 fun years. We hurt each other now and then, but I promise to keep the good parts forever. I know I made it seem like it was all easy to throw away, but it really wasn’t. I will keep every stage, every festival, every place we share, every conversation that turns into rambles as I’m falling asleep and suddenly mentioning astronauts. I will always remember fixing the bass when you wanted to start the band, a day spent with your brother and his girlfriend, and the day you showed up at my dad’s funeral.
I will keep them all. With a heart full of gratitude, it will forever be an undeniably big part of my life, and I hope I made you at least half as happy as you have made me.
Now the life of adolescent love became the life we both chose to leave behind. Me and the boundaries I made (and failed to keep for a while), you and your emotional migration. Perhaps the years we spent together made us telepathic, but I know we both knew something was off, the puzzle pieces weren’t quite fitting. I’m sure you’ve realized it, now that you’ve met someone who showed you why many things felt off with me; why it was hard to make decisions, and why a lot of things are so doubtful. It must be much easier for you to be so sure now, to take firm steps ahead. I’m happy (and lowkey proud) that you have reached that point.
I don’t know how to send a last message without it being weird or disrespectful. If I’m Tony Leung in In the Mood for Love I would whisper it at a hole in a shrine. This is the said hole in a shrine. I don’t even know if you will ever read this, but if you do, please know that all that’s left for me now is gratitude and lingering happiness from a chunk of my life well spent with an amazing partner. We shared some of the hardest parts of our lives, and I’m grateful to be at the front seat of watching you grow into someone you’ve always wanted to be. Thank you for choosing me back then, I’m sorry for all the things I took for granted and the things we haven’t had the chance to do. Let’s live our lives happily in our new paths. I hope life treats you better than I did, and fill the days ahead with nothing but love and tremendous happiness from the people around you. Always.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
